the essence of being human

Human has desires. They don't live for being an angel nor a demon. Islamic teaching said, human is a creature created not from fire (satanic essence) nor from light (angelic essence).

The essence of human is dust. Therefore, we can find our most essence on our feet. Many time we remember our being, then we should remember this dust. In Islam, dust means two things. First, it's a dirty thing. On the other hand, dust is a pure and purifying thing for tayammum (cleansing ritual before praying where dust is used rather than water in emergency situation).

Now the question is, "If human created not as an angel, do we have a right to play nearly-God? I mean... always perfect.. and acting as if we have no desire? Why people likes to playing God while God give them an authority to be human, to be potentially sinfull and blissfull at the same moment?"

If God want us to act perfectly good, I think we should have been created as angel insted. But God want us to be ourselves, to pray and obey him as human with our dusty heart. This dusty heart (not lightful one as angel's) can be clean and can be dirty at the same time.

We have our own obligation to protect this heart. We can not put this responsibility to other or to have other person pay for our sin. Therefore, God said (in holy Qur'an) that prophet (men) have a higher grade to Him compared to angel's grade.

It's simply because we "fight" in order to obey him. While angel? They have no sin, so there is no fighting for obeying Him. While demon, they need no fighting too for it's their favor to be fight against God's rule. That's how demon pray to God (for me, demons are praying).

***

I remembered a long time ago in Hawe. Iis, my very good friend, said, "Kak Arif, I know you are a kind of platonic lover. If you have a girl, then you will love plainly calm, as if whispering, without wanting the same feedback from you couple."

Hehe.. I didn't argue. But for sure, I was flattered.

This girl used to predict my psychology, my attitude. I think she was curioused of what I really am, since I was the head of two famous college organization and put my image so good as a "nothing's wrong" guy, in running my organization.

That was Iis' second prediction. First, she predicted me as melancholist, long before Gilang "punish" me with the same prediction. Responding Iis' 2nd prediction, I just smiled and didn't argue for it sounded so good. I agreed to her and really wished that I'm a platonic lover, not the aristotalian one.

"You should love someone without any intention. Just give her your love, but expect no feedback," she said in the phone. It's not Iis, but a new friend, a girl I met sometimes ago.

I called her that night to have different opinion from different stand point. I was feeling so surged... so distressed.

"If she wasn't expressive enough to respond your love, then be patient. But never stop giving your love. Even drops of water can break a rock. Please, hold on," she added.

That night, that platonic love concept ringed to my brain again. Yes, I should do that. I once agreed to Iis' judgement. But why is it now felt so hard....? Is it because I'm now in it, not as an outsider nor as a love essaist, nor a love theorist.

"If you think I should have a platonic love to human, then you are wrong. I do need an appreciaton as a reason for me to keep giving my love to my partner. Otherwise, someday I would feel that I have no reason no more to do that, giving up, and then thinking to find another partner who deserves my love better, who knows how to appreciate me."

I sighed.

"Platonic love, supposed to be practized in the context of loving our God. If we do that concept to our mortal relationship, then it is similar to playing God. We act as if we don't need a response. That's not healthy, but a self-torchering and slow suicide," I said.

"I don't need money nor an instant sex for paying my love. I just need an appreciation, something she didn't have that night. If this happens many times, then I would have to find other partner. I'm just human."

She sighed.